Mom and brother Mark overlooking the water view from Mom's house.

I’m gearing up to clear out my mother’s house. My mom is adjusting well to her new home in Gayton Terrace, an assisted living facility near me in Richmond, VA. Now it’s time to take the next step, clear out Mom’s home in Kilmarnock, VA and get it ready to sell. It will be a big job, but I’m so lucky that my mom and her husband had only been living there for about 13 years and both regularly got rid of things. They were neat nicks and great purgers. Compared to what many people face when their parents leave their homes, this job will be a breeze–on the physical level.

What has surprised me are the waves of sadness I’ve experienced since I made the decision that it’s time to begin the big clean out. It wasn’t my family home. Yes, I’d had many nice visits there with Mom and John, and this last year with just Mom since John’s death last January. It’s a lovely home on the water. But the sadness has more to do with dismantling the physical remains of two lives that had been intertwined for 27 years. Mom and John had a deep love that begin in high school and reignited in their late 50s. They loved their life together and they loved their home.

Mom and John carefully tended their home, kept it neat, clean and organized. On one level–the physical level– that will make my job easier, but no less difficult on another–the emotional level. How will I do it? I will work hard to remember that what I’m doing will benefit my mother who needs to close this chapter of her life to be fully present to her new life in Richmond. I’ll keep in mind that Mom will also benefit from the funds generated from the sale of her home. I will also remember that I will benefit because I currently carry all the responsibility for the safety of the home, a home that is a 90 minute drive from my home. I need to have this chapter closed to better be able to focus on Mom and her needs and to have greater peace of mind.

But, it’s still sad. I will allow the sadness and enjoy the memories that emerge while I work to respectfully close the door on this chapter of my mother’s life.

Trophies: The New Yard Art

Trophies hold the energy of the accomplishments associated with them. Some people find it very hard to let go of trophies, even when they get old and ugly. I’ve recommended that clients reduce their quantity by only keeping only those that hold memories of the most significant achievements. I’ve suggested that clients take photos of their trophies and then discard them. But, today learned of a creative way to deal with the trophy dilemma.

Charlyne Meinhard, whose husband, died within this last year, was left with boxes of her husband’s chess trophies in her crawl space. The trophies had been awarded for chess victories in the years prior to starting a family and mark his having achieved a master’s level. They were prized possessions. Getting rid of them was never a question while her husband was alive. After his death, while in the process of regrouping after her loss, however, Charlyne unearthed the trophies and had a decision to make–keep the trophies or get rid of them.

Charlyne knew she didn’t want the trophies displayed in her home, but throwing them in the trash just didn’t seem right. They held the energy of her husband’s mastery in chess. They also held the energy of the early years of their marriage. She also knew her children might be upset if she got rid of them.

Her solution was to create a trophy garden. She carefully placed the trophies in the garden beside the driveway at the front of the house. That way she can see them when on her way in and out of the house. She told me that seeing them is a comfort to her. They remind her of her husband and make her smile. And, she told me,“They were a whole lot less expensive than other yard art!”

Charlyne also removed the engraved plates on the most significant trophies and plans to make bookmarks from them by attaching them to strips of fabric. They will become Christmas gifts for family members.

Got trophies? Transform them from a pile of junk into something that will hold only good energies of accomplishment and positive memories!