“I don’t know what I want,” said a new client in response to my question about her expectations for our feng shui organizing session. “I just knew I need to do something!” This client contacted me because she hated her house, which previously had been owned by her husband’s parents. And, she and her husband had been having significant health problems.

Over the next two hours we moved through the whole house while I made suggestions for improving the feng shui of the space. When we got to the last room, the guest room, I recommended that my client claim it as her own, to house her projects, books, her favorite art, anything that lifts her spirits. As is the case with many guest rooms, it had become a dumping spot for things associated with tasks that she didn’t want to do. At my urging we began the “Love It, Use It or Lose It” clutter clearing method to get her rolling on making the space her own. If she didn’t love or use an object, I recommended she lose it.

We cleared a significant number of books, discovered two beautiful silk paintings that had been buried behind linens, and unearthed her beading supplies. One bag held children’s clothing she had been given by a well-meaning family member that she’d been ignoring because she didn’t want it and felt she should. I gave her permission to release the clothing and anything else that had been given to her by others that she did not love and would not use. We also cleared out old papers associated with a past job and a past life. By clearing out stagnant items that no longer served her, we removed significant energy blocks.

As we worked, my client became more and more excited. When I left after two hours I had no doubt that she would continue to work to make her home feel more comfortable. However, I was pleasantly surprised to receive a call just two days later telling me that she’d been clearing ever since I left, and had cleared all but one closet in her home. She had been on a roll, and was so excited about her progress. She was especially thrilled that a friend who was visiting remarked, “Your house feels so light!” She was amazed that her friend could feel the energy shift she’d created despite the fact that all the clearing had occurred behind closed doors.

This client’s stagnant belongings were a barrier to her being able to make significant headway in the process of creating a home she could love. When she improved the energy in her closets by eliminating stagnant objects, things she no longer loved or used, she unknowingly improved the overall feel of her whole house. Everything is connected! And, better yet, the positive energy she created gave her the motivation to keep moving forward to improve the feel of her house. Her plans include painting significant parts of her home and removing several pieces of furniture that she hates.

Want to get your life moving? Want your house to feel lighter? See if you can find the energy blocks in your home. A good place to start is with anything you’ve been avoiding. Just tackle it one obstacle at a time. Then notice what opens up in your life!

How do you know when it’s time to get a new purse? When your dog eats it! Since I hate shopping I usually find myself shopping for a purse when my old purse is showing embarrassing signs of wear. But, most recently I was motivated by the fact that my dog, Oz, had expressed his boredom by chewing up my beloved purple purse!

So, when I made myself go to Kohl’s to search for the purple purse replacement, I was not really up for the task. Despite my attitude, I took my time locating just the right purse. As I made the rounds of the purse displays, I was acutely aware that being a feng shui practitioner and professional organizer has made me especially particular about the criteria for just the right purse. Over time I’ve learned what works for me, and settling for anything less is a setup for disorganization and daily irritation when I can’t find what I need when I need it.

Here are some features that do not work for me:

• deep, large purses–They hold too much stuff, and the deeper they are, the harder it is to see what is in them. They also weigh a ton because I tend to fill the space that’s available.
• zippers for closure–Zippers require added effort to get inside a purse. I knew I’d find that effort irritating. Besides, zippers break.
• purses with no inside dividers–I carry a variety of items in my purse, and it’s easier to find what I need if I have specific locations for things. One big area would become an annoying jumble of stuff in no time.
• purses with no outside pockets–I’ve learned that I enjoy easy access to high use items like my keys and cell phone. An outside pocket is perfect for that. When I don’t have one, there’s no telling where the phone will end up. Then I’ll be cursing as I miss calls while searching through all the items in an inside section.

Features that I have to have:

• medium size, but not too deep–This size is perfect to hold what I need to carry, but it won’t weigh a ton. And, it must be a depth where I can see everything at a glance.
• magnetic closure–This type of closure takes little effort both to open and close. And, it doesn’t break!
• two major sections with a zippered divider, a small zippered pocket on the back wall and an open pocket on the front wall–I use the front section for my wallet, change purse, business card holder and glasses case. The back section is for my small spiral notebook, pens pouch, pouch for earphones and cell phone charging wire, and pouch for occasional use items like special keys and nail clippers. The zippered divider is where I keep high dollar coupons for office supplies and restaurants and extra business cards. The zippered pocket on the back wall holds personal hygiene items like kleenex, a small brush, nail files and a small mirror. The open pocket on the front wall is used to hold lip balms and lipsticks.
• interior fabric that is any color except black or brown–Dark interiors transform purses into black holes and really reduce visibility.
• an appealing color–It is important that my purse be a color that does not clash with my coats and shoes. Its color also has to be dark enough so it won’t easily show dirt. I’m rough on a purse, tossing it into my not-so-clean car and dropping it on the floors of client houses. I never want a yellow or white purse that will look dirty in no time. And, the energy of the color has to be compatible with my current energy. I wanted a purse with a rich, vibrant color like the purple purse was destroyed by Oz. But, when I finally found all the necessary features in a purse, I had a choice between a light purple that was too flashy for me and a pleasant taupe, a nice earth tone. I chose the taupe because earth tones are very grounding, and given the recent challenges in my life, a grounding energy would work well.

Finding just the right purse took me about 45 minutes of searching and thinking and deciding what would work for me. When I left the store I wasn’t completely happy with the color of my new purse because I had wanted a color with more energy, but I chose to compromise on the color in favor of having the best size and internal design. The color is neutral and calming, something I can learn to like a lot.

My new purse may not be the color I wanted, but it’s design is actually better than my mutilated purse. It is not quite as deep as the purple purse, so I can now see everything inside much more easily. It seems that Oz did me a big favor!

When you go shopping for your next purse, it’s worth taking your time to find one whose design and appearance really work for you. Your purse is an extension of you. If it’s a jumble of disorganized stuff, you will not only waste precious time finding things when you need them, you will also be annoyed over and over again as you move through your days. That annoyance is a stressor that costs you vital energy.

By investing time and money in finding just the right purse, you will make an important statement to yourself and the Universe that getting and staying organized is a priority in every area of your life. Know that it may take several purses for you to find the features that matter most. But, when you finally figure it out, you will be amazed at how wonderful it feels to have a stress-free purse!

Combat those winter blues by clearing out the old to make room for new opportunities, new relationships, new prosperity. It’s so easy to succumb to seasonal affective disorder (SAD) at this time of year. Gray skies and a drab landscape devoid of the rich colors of green lawns and flowering plants can be a perfect setup to funk out.

When I feel funky and out of sorts I know I’m in a negative energy spin. One way I combat those negative energies is to look for some part of my home, office or car to clear. I may find myself in my glove compartment, a fairly manageable clearing spot. Or, I’m back in one of my clothing drawers, getting real about the shirts I really do wear. Clearing out items that I no longer love or use frees stagnant negative energies and I quickly find myself feeling empowered and energized.

When you clear out even the smallest of spaces, you are making room for new, good things to come to you. Try it. Choose a small clearing project, for example, a shelf in your pantry or linen closet. Pull out items you no longer use or love and create a new order out of the remaining items. Donate or trash the items removed as soon as possible.

Pay attention to how you feel. I’ll bet you’ll feel lighter and a bit more optimistic. No matter how much clutter you still have to tackle, whenever you clear anything, you’ll be shifting negative energy to positive.

Fight the winter blues and blahs with deliberate clutter clearing and you’ll transform this challenging season into a time of opportunity and empowerment. When spring comes your load will be lighter and your outlook brighter!

It has been a quiet week here in Kilmarnock, Virginia, in the aftermath of my step-father’s death. I’ve been here to make funeral arrangements and support my mother as she comes to grips with the biggest loss of her life.

As is my habit, I’ve watched my mother move through her days both with curiosity and concern. Mom is not only grieving the loss of the love of her life, she is showing signs of dementia. The most obvious sign is poor short-term memory. I’ve been preparing myself for further decline by reading The 36 Hour Day by Nancy L. Mace and Peter V. Rabins, a book about dealing with dementia. I know it’s possible that over time she will eventually forget how to do even the simplest of tasks. I dread that time.

My mom has always been very organized. At the moment, for the most part, she still is. It has been comforting to watch her move through her days maintaining order in her lovely home. When she opens mail, she routinely throws away the opened envelopes and junk mail. As she moves from the den to the kitchen, she picks up used glasses and plates to put in the dishwasher. She regularly clears cluttered surfaces, stating that she just doesn’t like to have too much stuff around. Maintaining order is a way of life for her. I am so grateful to have learned the lessons of how to get and stay organized from her. I feel sad when I think about the possibility of her losing that ability to the ravages of dementia.

For now, I take comfort in Mom’s commitment to maintaining order and her ability to tend to her space. What a blessing it is to be her daughter!

Missing John Arrix

My step-father died this week. I observed his struggle to let go of life. When it was over, the first step was to notify Hospice of Virginia who would call the funeral home to remove the body. Once John’s spirit was gone, his body was a shell and we needed the body taken away as soon as possible. It was just a reminder of his struggle, of his dying, of the horror of death.

Once John’s body had been taken away, I looked around the room where he spent his last hours and saw the empty hospital bed and all the supplies that had been used while he had spent his final days at home: the bandages, the gloves, the creams and ointments, the chucks and diapers. They were all reminders of the care he had received, the care that was just palliative, not life saving. They had to go.

First I asked Hospice of Virginia to make arrangements to have the bed removed as soon as possible. Then I took a quick look at the supplies. My first urge was to dump them all in the trash. We would not have them had John not been deathly ill. Yes, some of them could be useful at a later date. I kept the moisture lotion and bandaids and gave Portia Bea from Visiting Angels permission to take whatever she thought she or Visiting Angels could use. The rest went into the trash. Once I’d made my decision about what to keep, Portia cleared everything from the room that reminded us of John’s struggle.

All of this activity occurred in the first hour following John’s death. It seemed imperative to return the bedroom back to its pre-sickroom state. Because I’d been up all night with John, it was a blessing to have Portia’s assistance with the clean up. She even vacuumed the room.

Once the bed was taken away and the room returned to its previous appearance, I found myself clearing out John’s medications, corralling all reminders of the previous five weeks of assessing John’s condition and providing help. I wanted my mother, who had lost the love of her life, to be able to grieve the loss of John rather than be distracted by the signs of his illness.

Every item associated with John’s illness and death held the energy of death. I felt compelled to remove those items whose energy screamed death and loss. I kept some medical records, papers that later could help my Mom make sense of this terrible time. I kept the baby monitor because it is possible we might need it in the future for my Mom, but I stored it in a drawer out of sight. I kept the lotion because it could easily blend in with other skin lotions and lose its association with death.

The next step is to clear the energy of death from the room by burning sage.

All that clearing gave me a much needed focus in the first two days after John left us. It also relieved my Mom’s lovely house of the signs of struggle, reminders of the horror we had all experienced while watching John leave us. And, last night my Mom, though very sad, was able to retrieve the photo albums of her life with John and shift her focus from the dying that had just occurred to the joys and pleasures of the life she had lived with him
.

I’m sitting in McDonald’s in Kilmarnock, VA, taking a break from watching the process of my step-father’s death. I’m attempting to take care of myself in the midst of a very painful phase of life–helping parents at the end of life.

Because it’s hard for me to write and work on aspects of my business, I’ve been doing what I teach clients to do when they can’t do what they think they should be doing. I’ve been clearing easy stuff. Today the easy stuff is emails that just aren’t important given what is going on right now. It’s amazing how easy it is to clear out emails that I usually pause over. I just don’t have the time or energy to consider all the discussion group emails, the networking emails, the offers of products to buy. And, I certainly don’t need them cluttering up my inbox!

I’m saving all the kind notes of support from friends and people who read my newsletters and blog posts. I want to thank each person for their kindness. I’m responding to emails regarding appointments, speaking engagements and other aspects of my business. Nothing else really matters right now.

Somehow clearing out the non-essential emails has helped me feel more in control of my life at this moment. I am certainly not in control of what is happening with my step-father. The hospice nurse said the timing of his death depends on his will, that it’s between him and God. I’m just an observer of a process that is so much bigger than me.

Clutter clearing can be comforting in difficult times.

You may have noticed that I’ve been absent for the past four or five weeks from my weekly blog, newsletter and emails.  During the holiday season, it is common for most of us to become blitzed with too many obligations, with too much to do.  I suppose I’m no different; however I have been unable to keep up my usual posts and communications, not because of the holiday, but for what I believe to be a normal stage of life.  Normal, but utterly lonely and overwhelming.

My priorities shifted abruptly at the beginning of December and much of my normal life is on hold. On the 4th of December my step-father’s mental status took a turn for the worse, landing him first in the ER, then the hospital, then a rehabilitation and nursing facility, then the healthcare unit of a continuing care facility and finally home.

During that journey I learned that not only my step-father, but also my mother have dementia. Since Mom and John live 90 minutes away, my step-sister and I had to determine the best way to provide them both the care and safety they now need. My step-father’s dementia keeps him primarily unaware of the changes in his life. My mother’s cognitive impairment, however, is more challenging. Because she is more aware of what is going on, she has felt threatened at every turn by the our attempts to make sure she’s safe and has what she needs to stay happy and healthy. Dealing with dementia has been an education in patience, creativity and asking for help.

After spending time in almost all levels of care available to senior citizens, we discovered that a company called Visiting Angels could provide 24-hour in-home care for Mom and John. And, we have enlisted the services of Hospice of Virginia to help John make a peaceful transition from this life to the next. Mom and John are now able to be together in their peaceful home by the water with their cat, Harley.

I have had to do things I had hoped I’d never have to do, like take my mother’s car keys, request her doctor to officially determine that she is not competent to manage her affairs, drive and live independently. My life has felt like a tragic game of chess. Every time I think I’ve made the best plans and life will fall back in order, I’m led down a new path with a new problem to solve.

When exhaustion has threatened to take me under, I have somehow found the strength, guidance and assistance to keep going, guided by love and a commitment to do the right thing for Mom and John, whether they like it or not. There have been many lessons and many blessings.

I’ve learned that what I thought was best for my mother wasn’t. I’ve been blessed with a positive connection with a step-sister I hardly knew. She came to my rescue a number of times when I needed a kick-butt approach to make something happen. We’ve been blessed with help from Mom and John’s neighbors and friends, and the home care of the Visiting Angels and Hospice personnel has been outstanding. So many of my friends have taken time from their busy lives to let me know they miss me and send their supportive prayers. And, I’ve been blessed with an outpouring of love from Bob, my husband of 21 years. His appreciation of what I’ve been going through and how I’ve handled this trip through aging parent hell and his willingness to walk beside me through the difficult parts of this journey have kept me afloat numerous times when my little boat was at risk of going down from the weight of responsibility and turbulent emotions.

This is a journey I would never have willingly chosen. It has derailed me from my life and my business. I had the worst Christmas of my life. My feelings have ricocheted between profound sadness, fear, impotence, frustration, rage and numbness. I’m weary not only from the intensity of feelings I’ve been flying through and the physical demands of many trips back and forth to Kilmarnock, Virginia, but also from having to be the healthy, functioning “good brain” for Mom and John through this difficult transition.

This is my life right now.  I recall meaningful sayings from important places, such as, “One Day at a Time,” “This, Too Shall Pass,” and “Let Go, and Let God.”  I remember these sayings as I’m taking over management of Mom’s life and while I’m coordinating with my step-sister to arrange and maintain the best care for Mom and John.  We’re working hard to help them live with as much serenity and dignity as possible.

All this is to say that, for me, family is first.  I will not be able to be consistent with my online communications for some time.  But I will return when I can.  I long to return now.

In response to my recent post about Christmas clutter clearing, one reader shared two great ideas for clutter clearing that can help nursing home residents have a happier holiday. She gave me permission to share her ideas with you.

1. Instead of recycling or tossing extra unused Christmas cards, offer them to the residents of a local nursing home to save them the expense and the hassle of buying cards. You might even consider including stamps with the cards to make it easy to write a note and mail the card. Nursing home residents have limited space, so saving unused cards from year to year is probably not possible. They are likely to welcome your offering of cards.
2. If you decide to discard ornaments because you no longer use them, purchase a Rosemary Tree or Norfolk Island Pine, often available at your grocery store during the holiday season, to decorate with those ornaments and ribbon remnants. Then, offer the tree to a nursing facility. Those live trees and your ornaments can then bring smiles to the faces of the residents.

What wonderful ideas for transforming clutter clearing into meaningful community service! Clutter clearing doesn’t have to be an onerous task if it results in helping you reduce stress and in lifting the spirits of some often forgotten members of your community.

© 2012 Clutter Clearing Community | Debbie Bowie

“Author, Organizing Expert and Feng Shui Practitioner, Debbie Bowie, is a leading authority on clutter clearing to attract more of what you want in life. If you’re ready to clear clutter and move your life forward, get your FREE TIP SHEET, “Feng Shui Tips for Instant Success” at http://www.clutterclearingcommunity.com.

‘Tis the season to be giving, receiving, and decorating. That means that you will be giving and getting “stuff.” You will also be pulling decorations from their storage places. When “stuff” is moving you have an excellent opportunity to commit to 1) not creating clutter in your home and the homes of those who receive your gifts and to 2) clearing clutter every step of the way.

Here are 10 tips to help you make Christmas 2011 a completely clutter free experience:

1. Pull out ALL your decorations and evaluate each one. Toss every item that you no longer display EVERY year.
2. When doing your Christmas cards, either send all the left over cards from previous years to eliminate your supply, or just pitch or donate the extra cards.
3. Throw away small bits of wrapping paper you have been saving to use for just the right tiny package, but never seem to use, especially the pieces that have gotten scrunched.
4. Clear out cruddy Christmas bags: those that have taken a beating; those that don’t reflect your taste, and those that are just plain ugly.
5. Clear crushed bows and snarled ribbons. And, clear out ribbons altogether if you’re like me and, despite your best intentions, you never make or take the time to add ribbons to your packages.
6. Make your gifts to others items that can be consumed and/or that are perishable, like candles, candies, fruit and baked goods. Consumption or time will assure that those gifts don’t linger long enough to become clutter.
7. Give gift cards freely. People love to do their own shopping or enjoy a free coffee or meal out. Besides, gift card clutter is smaller and less annoying than ugly sweater or useless knick knack clutter.
8. Evaluate each gift you get with the Love It, Use It or Lose It method. If you don’t love it or use it, lose it! Express appropriate thanks to the giver and then either regift it, donate it or pitch it. It’s the thought that counts and unwanted gifts only hold negative energy in place.
9. When it’s time to put new gifts away, take the time to clear clutter in the area where the new gift will be stored. Release the old to make room for the new.
10. When you put decorations away, take a good look at each item and consider the time it takes and the process involved in putting it out and taking it down. Pitch anything whose significance or beauty do not outweigh annoyance factor.

If you do any of the above actions, you will be doing your part to make the holidays a joyous, peaceful time instead of an overwhelming event to survive. Make clutter clearing a new focus of your holiday activities. It’s the best way I know to feel in control at this busy time of year.

© 2012 Clutter Clearing Community | Debbie Bowie

“Author, Organizing Expert and Feng Shui Practitioner, Debbie Bowie, is a leading authority on clutter clearing to attract more of what you want in life. If you’re ready to clear clutter and move your life forward, get your FREE TIP SHEET, “Feng Shui Tips for Instant Success” at http://www.clutterclearingcommunity.com.

How clear is your view of the new year?

Are you struggling with making an important decision? Want clarity? Wash your windows! I’m not kidding! The windows are the eyes of the home. If your windows are clean you can see clearly. When you can see clearly, you can think clearly. I am living proof!

For months I have been struggling to get clarity about the direction to take with my business. My coach has made several suggestions. They were good suggestions, but they didn’t resonate with me. I ran numerous options through my head, over and over. Still, I couldn’t get clear.

Then one day, while flopping around in my “not knowing” state, I looked at the windows in our home and shuttered. They were filthy. They hadn’t been cleaned since we moved into the house seven years ago. Every time the sun shone through them I was reminded that they needed to be washed. My thoughts also went to, “But, we can’t afford to have it done.” Talk about scarcity thinking! Yes, they were large expanses of negative energy.

Both Bob and I HATE doing windows. And, the cost to get them washed always seemed to be more than we could manage. That day, as the sun streamed through the accumulated grime of too many seasons of pollen and dust, I made the decision to call a window cleaning company to get an estimate. To my surprise the cost was reasonable! I immediately scheduled the window washing. That simple action cemented my commitment to clarity.

My car windows were also filthy. Smudged with dog nose prints, I felt irritated every time I got into my car. One day I couldn’t stand it anymore. I drove to the closest grocery store and bought window cleaning wipes. I cleaned my windows right there in the grocery store parking lot. I couldn’t tolerate the lack of clarity a moment longer.

The day after I washed the car windows I met with a woman who helps me with marketing my programs. As we talked I was amazed to find that I knew exactly how I wanted to change my business and what projects I want to pursue in 2012. It was as if a dam had burst and the ideas came pouring out. After my marketing friend left, the ideas kept streaming out into a mind map and outline of my plan. I also felt a physiological rush of energy that couldn’t be explained by caffeine. The coffee I had that day was decaffeinated!

It’s the perfect time to get clarity about where you want to go in the new year. And, it’s also a great time to get your windows washed, since we’re about to head into the season of cold temperatures, gray days and challenging weather. You don’t need the irritant of dirty windows. Commit to clarity! Get your windows cleaned and watch your vision of the new year crystalize!