When I give speeches I’m often asked, “What if I’m not the cause of the messiness in my house?”

I first commiserate with the person, because it can be very frustrating to be working hard to maintain order only to have it wrecked by loved ones. Then I make the following suggestions:

1. Control what you can. Clear your clutter. Keep all the areas over which you have control clutter free and organized. When you do that you are shifting energies in a positive direction. Sometimes just that positive shift in energy will affect the behavior of others.

2. Make a request that everyone work together to keep public areas neat and clutter free. Don’t nag. Don’t criticize them for their bad habits. Public areas are the kitchen, family room, living room, dining room. Keeping those areas clear of clutter, neat and organized will help keep interactions between family members peaceful and positive.

3. Give those who are messy a place to be messy. For children, it’s their bedroom. Lay ground rules to avoid health hazards like attracting rodents and other pests with dirty dishes and food. Perhaps come to an agreement about how often the room is to be cleaned–once a month or so? For the spouse, leave the room alone! But, ask for agreement that his/her stuff will not spill out into the public areas.

4. Choose your battles. When clutter does accumulate in public areas, first clean up your part of the mess. Then remind others of the agreement to work together to keep the public areas neat and ask them to remove their belongings. If over time you meet a lot of resistance, or if family members seem to truly be unconscious of the mess they create, let them know that when they do leave personal items in the public areas, you will be moving those items to their rooms. If they object to you moving their things, remind them of the agreement about keeping public areas clutter free. They won’t love you for moving their things, but you’ll be able to continue to love them! And, the public areas will be neater!

5. Refuse to fight and nag and criticize others about their messy ways. Those behaviors do nothing to get your desired results and they do much that is harmful to your relationships. People who are messy usually are less bothered by the negative energy of clutter and disorder. Many of them aren’t even conscious of the whirlwind of stuff that follows them around. Most of them are awesome people, but will never be great at being neat and organized.

Happy Negotiating and Accepting Things You Cannot Change!

Yesterday in the middle off fixing my lunch for the next day I was seized by the urge to switch two pictures in my dining room. I’ve learned that when I have a strong urge to move something I should just do it. So, I did. What’s that all about? I think those urges are information I’m getting from God, the Universe, my angels, my spirit guides, divine information that signals change of some sort for me.

I enjoy change. I’m not a big physical risk taker. I don’t jump out of airplanes or seek the thrill of a motorcycle ride. But, I do get a rush from making changes in the way I do things and in my physical space. Changing things in my home gives me a new perspective. When I feel bored or stagnant I often find myself rearranging things on my kitchen counter or in my home office. 

You may be wondering what sparked moving the pictures? Well, I looked at one of them and remembered that Bob, my husband, really doesn’t like it. And, it was in plain sight when he’d look from the kitchen to the dining room. That got me thinking about where I could put it where it wouldn’t assault him head on. I found a spot and made the switch. 

I think the urge to make that change was sparked by a new closeness between Bob and me, one that began with moving the bookcase (see January 11,2009 post). I’ve known for some time that he disliked that painting. Moving it signals a renewed willingness to honor his feelings. And, the urge to make that change made me realize that I am getting more conscious of the barriers I have erected to that keep him from getting too close. Wow! That’s big stuff for me!

Have you recently felt the urge to make a change, even a small one like parking in a different spot? Honor it! See what happens! The urge could be important information for you, signaling necessary change. Enjoy small changes! They are a lot safer than bungee jumping, and who knows where you might land!  

The gray days of January are upon us. Many of us miss the warmth, color and light of seasons past and feel sluggish, moody and even lonely. After all, we are stuck with our own company as the cold of the season forces us inside. It takes extra effort to nourish ourselves with connections with wonderful others. And, it can be difficult to find the energy to force ourselves out of the cocoon of our comfort zone.

I have been blessed this week to be participating in a work project that has me working with two other women. We are moving one of my clients into her newly renovated home.  It may be gray outside, but inside it is warm with gentle conversations, pleasant interactions and the commitment to our very special client. We are working cooperatively to accomplish our goal and at the same time feeding our souls.

There can be magic when the right combination of women come together to help another. Over the Christmas holidays I worked with my sister-in-law, Amy, to help move her daughter, my niece, into her home. Almost without words we worked together to clear out my niece’s apartment and set up the kitchen in the new house. Amy and I have similar work styles and love to get things done. Working with her was so easy. It was such fun to accomplish our goal together. The experience left me feeling closer to her.

Remember that women thrive on connection and relationship. When you are feeling parched and lonely this winter, perhaps needing encouragement or a helping hand, consider reaching out to a dear woman in your life. Then bask in the pleasure of that sacred connection!