Mom's Holiday Meal Assistant

When I was a little girl my mom began including me in holiday meal preparations as soon as I was capable of polishing silver and setting the table. I hated polishing silver, but loved being able to help her. It made me feel important and helped me feel really connected to Mom and the spirit of Thanksgiving and Christmas.

From silver polishing and table setting I graduated to making my grandmother’s special sweet potato casserole, getting out all the necessary serving dishes and serving spoons, and helping Mom serve all the tasty foods. Then I washed the dishes. That too was not my favorite chore, but it seemed a good way to thank Mom for all her hard work.

I was the only daughter, so it was just Mom and me in the kitchen on a Thanksgiving or Christmas morning. We worked as a team and loved being together making a special meal for the rest of my family.

Had Mom not enlisted me as her assistant in the kitchen during the preparation of holiday meals at an early age, I have a hunch I wouldn’t have the fond feelings for the holidays that I do. Being included empowered me, provided powerful connections between Mom and me, and precious memories and a love of the holidays. Thanks, Mom!

© 2012 Clutter Clearing Community | Debbie Bowie

“Author, Organizing Expert and Feng Shui Practitioner, Debbie Bowie, is a leading authority on clutter clearing to attract more of what you want in life. If you’re ready to clear clutter and move your life forward, get your FREE TIP SHEET, “Feng Shui Tips for Instant Success” at http://www.clutterclearingcommunity.com.

In my twelve years of professional organizing I’ve run into many women who are still trying to keep house just like “Mom” did. So, what’s wrong with that? After all, Mom was the role model. There would be nothing wrong with that if Mom’s life was comparable to the lives of women today.

When I look at my mother’s reality compared to mine, there are major differences:

1. For most of the years that we three children were at home, she did not work outside the home. Therefore, she had much more time to manage all the tasks of running a home.
2. The pace of life was much slower than it is today, therefore it was easier to keep up with all the chores of running a home. Easier, not easy. It’s never easy to keep up with the demands of raising children and running a home.
3. There was no instant access to people with voicemail and email, so there were fewer social contacts to make on a daily basis. Mom wasn’t accessible to others at all times, as is the norm today.
4. There were no computers to distract them from getting things done. Not only that, but there was no need to learn to use new technology like computers, cell phones, email, Ipods, Ipads, etc., activities that take time, focus and energy.
5. There were fewer activities for children to participate in, therefore children played closer to home and did not require as much transportation.
6. Academic expectations and involvement in extracurricular activities were such that children still had time to contribute to maintaining the home by regularly doing household chores.

So, given those differences, does it make sense to aim for the same level of organization and home maintenance by the same means? In other words, should women still be trying to do it all by themselves in addition to working outside the home, having more to do because of voicemail, email, computers, etc., more running around to children’s activities and events, and less help? No! That’s a setup for feelings of chronic inadequacy, chronic fatigue, and hating life!

What do I recommend? By all means, don’t compare yourself to your mother! You have two choices: get more help or lower your expectations. Remember that times are different and it’s imperative that you do things differently to achieve the results you want. One of the biggest mistakes moms make these days is to carry too much of the load of home maintenance. Husbands and children get off easy because moms pick up so much of the slack.

Stop it! Ask for help! Hire help! Doing so is imperative today, not optional, given current realities. You have a right to rest, play and leisure time too! Do it! Your health and the quality of your life and that of your family depend on it!

If you are a busy mom, be sure to create a file or designate a basket as the container to hold papers about things you want to do just for you.

The role of mother is so consuming that many mothers have to put their own life and personal interests aside, at least until the children are in school, and often until they are out of the house. I’ve met dozens of incredible moms in my work as a professional organizer, many of whom have sacrificed careers, hobbies and activities that feed their spirits for the sake of their family. It seems there is just not enough time in a day to do all that is required to maintain a happy home and well-adjusted children and take time to follow their own passions.

There is a cost to pay for disregarding yourself, however noble the reason. Depression, weight gain, health issues and marital difficulties can all result when a woman spends a majority of her time caring for everyone but herself.

Starting a dream basket of events you want to attend, places you want to go (with other women or by yourself), classes you want to take or services that will nurture and spiritually feed you is a simple way to acknowledge your very normal needs for self-care. It will hold the energy of honoring yourself. And, it can be the bud of a decision to make yourself one of the priorities in your life.

Today I was working with a woman who works full time as a physician and is a single mom to four children. Once again I was struck by how much mothers have to do to keep their lives and the lives of their children sane!

We spent an hour sorting through clothes of her older son, identifying those clothes that the younger son might wear and those that could be given away. Kids grow! That means they grow out of clothes and those clothes need to be removed from their closets and dresser drawers. If they can be handed down to another sibling, they have to be labeled and stored somehow. Then you have to remember to get them out for the other child.

If you have four children, multiply this process by four. And, moms probably need to do this process at least once a year, maybe twice if children have growth spurts. Whew! No wonder my client has difficulty finding time to spend with friends or to keep her own room neat and organized.

I found myself wondering if fathers and children are even conscious about this one area of home maintenance that goes on year after year until children leave home. I certainly don’t remember my mother doing that kind of annual review and purge. She probably did it, but I didn’t notice or even care that she did it. It’s one of those tasks that gets done, but goes unnoticed. And, there are many maintenance tasks like that.

Moms are wonderful! They do those annoying and boring tasks because they need to be done. They do them as a matter of course, not expecting accolades from others. If your mother is still living, call or visit her and thank her for all she did for you as a child. It was a pretty thankless job. And, you benefitted from it even if you weren’t aware of all she did. Don’t wait until Mother’s Day. Thank her today!

© 2012 Clutter Clearing Community | Debbie Bowie

“Author, Organizing Expert and Feng Shui Practitioner, Debbie Bowie, is a leading authority on clutter clearing to attract more of what you want in life. If you’re ready to clear clutter and move your life forward, get your FREE TIP SHEET, “Feng Shui Tips for Instant Success” at http://www.clutterclearingcommunity.com.