Years ago I learned to “accept the things I cannot change” when I was participating in meetings for adult children of alcoholics. I got the chance to “accept what is” today when I shut down my computer following several hours of recording my book, Rock Scissors Paper: Understanding How Environment Affects Your Performance on a Daily Basis, and lost the whole recording. That mistake cost me not only the room rental fee and the time spent making the recording, but I had recorded almost half the book. What amazed me was that I didn’t freak out or castigate myself for the error. I was cool, calm and collected. Why?

When something unfortunate happens, like losing my recording, I automatically begin looking for something positive about the incident. And, I hadn’t been completely happy with my tone of voice, especially in the beginning of the recording. I knew I’d have lots of edits to make. Also, I meant to record sections of the book separately and had forgotten to do that. Finally, I was worried that noises in the hall could be heard in the recording.

When the whole thing was wiped out I actually felt relieved because I had no other choice but to start over. Starting over would give me the chance to schedule the recording at a time when there would be less traffic in the building and would make it possible for me to record it section by section as I’d initially intended. I also would not have to make multiple edits that would have been warranted because of my inexperience. I began thinking of today’s session as a practice session for the real recording.

When I accept what is with the knowledge that all things work together for good and look for the positive in every circumstance, I am much less stressed. I also treat myself with more compassion and respect. What do you need to accept that has been causing you emotional distress and angst? Accept what is and get on with life!

“I’m beginning to feel a little nauseous,” said Gloria. She and I were working in her finished attic, pulling bins of old photos and memorabilia out from under the eaves. I paused and wondered what was going on with her. In my experience, both as a recipient of counseling and observing people doing difficult emotional work, nausea can indicate that deep old feelings are attempting to come to the surface. The boxes we were touching held the story of several significant decades of her life, one that included great heartache and the pain of a broken marriage and difficult divorce. Yes, we were physically stirring the emotional waters of her history by accessing those boxes.

Once I told Gloria that I suspected that the nausea was her response to the difficult work we were about to embark on, we got started sorting through the photographs. As I do with all my clients, I started with the biggest, easiest chunks of photos and memorabilia first. Gloria was very ready to release cards from her ex-husband and photos of the two of them. It was time. She understood that holding on to them would only keep the sadness, anger and conflicting feelings in place, blocking her from moving forward to the possibility of having a relationship that could be different, more fun, respectful and life-affirming.

Before I left Gloria I warned her that it was quite possible that she would experience an emotional catharsis following our session because the work we had done had probably stirred up some deep feelings about the loss of her marriage. I encouraged her to allow the grief, to feel whatever came up and to resist the urge to medicate those feelings with food, activity, anything that she typically uses to shut down feelings.

The next time I saw Gloria she told me that she had continued to feel nauseated for several days and had indeed grieved. And, she was happy to report that while she allowed the grief she had had some important insights about her marriage, ones that were helping her move forward.

The next time you feel like you want to run from a clearing project, because of nausea, anxiety, fatigue or any other uncomfortable feeling, be still for a few moments. See if you can identify what is sending you running. If you stop and face it, even for a few moments, you’ll release energies that are holding you back. And, ultimately you’ll reclaim some of your personal power, power that was compromised by the strength of the emotions being held in place by your belongings.

Cross one regular obligation off your calendar. Yes, I’m serious! In the ten years I have been helping overwhelmed people get organized, it’s been very clear to me that the more you have going on in your life, the more difficult it is to get and stay organized.

Most women I work with have no clear picture of how heavy a load they are carrying. When we make a list of their obligations so they can see why they are feeling overwhelmed, they are amazed at what they see. Keeping themselves in the dark about their reality has kept them going and kept them feeling overwhelmed and on a path to exhaustion, burnout and health problems.

Make a list of your obligations. Rank them in order of importance. Then make arrangements to let go of the least important obligation. Do it as an expression of your commitment to lightening your load so you can get and stay organized, eliminate overwhelm and avoid the serious health problems that you will attract if you continue to live in a state of overwhelm.

© 2012 Clutter Clearing Community | Debbie Bowie

“Author, Organizing Expert and Feng Shui Practitioner Debbie Bowie, is a leading authority on clutter clearing to attract more of what you want in your life. If you’re ready to finally clear the clutter from your life and move your life forward, get your FREE TIP SHEET, “Feng Shui Tips for Instant Success” at http://www.clutterclearingcommunity.com.

Feng shui teaches that everything is alive with chi, energy.  The quality of the chi, however, varies from object to object, person to person, environment to environment.  Some things have chi that is so alive and vibrant, whereas other things have chi that seems lifeless or negative.  Think of a beautiful rose at the peak of its beauty.  It’s aliveness is palpable.  Now, think of that same rose a week later as the head of the flower droops and the petals become paper dry.  The chi of the rose is now quite dead.  We can tell it’s dead because we feel sad or uncomfortable when we look at it.

As I help clients sort through their belongings I am always assessing the aliveness of the items we are touching.  If I am uncertain about the aliveness of the chi of an item I say, “Tell me about this.  What’s its story?”  I can tell by the tone of their voice whether an item is alive, dead or negative.  I don’t even need to hear the content of their words.  When things are truly alive with chi, the tone of their voice is warm, enthusiastic, sometimes joyful.  I can hear the excitement and pleasure in their voice.  When clients respond with a flat tone and making a decision about whether to keep the item seems like a real effort, I know the chi is at least negative, possibly dead.

Check out the chi of the things that surround you in your home or office. Pay attention to how you feel inside. Notice your thoughts as well. You’ll probably find that some things are alive with “Yes!” energy, good associations, good chi. Those are things you wouldn’t dream of parting with.

Other things will bug you, make you feel uncomfortable, perhaps even irritable. Those are signs of negative or dead chi. Figure out what’s causing the discomfort, and if it can be fixed, fix it. If it can’t be fixed, consider tossing it and freeing yourself from the negative effects of its energy.

Still other things will evoke no particular feelings at all. Is there anything you can do with them to enhance their chi, like moving them to a different location or cleaning them up? I consider no chi, dead energy, to be the same as negative chi. It’s not a good thing to have around because it affects your energy. You wouldn’t consider keeping dead mice, bugs or rats around. Why keep dead things?

We can’t directly control many things that happen in our world, like the state of the economy or the behavior of significant others, but we can make sure we surround ourselves with good chi. Make choosing good chi and letting go of dead or negative chi a new habit. Then watch your life evolve in ways you’ve never imagined. 

Do you know someone who has a hard time letting go of things?  That would probably describe all of us at one time or another.  But, there really is a range of letting go from those who have very little trouble at one end to those who are unwilling to release almost everything on the other end.  If you’ve ever known someone at the extreme end, those who are willing to live in utter chaos and filth, penned in by their stuff, I am sure you have wondered what is going on with them that they can’t let go and enjoy a more comfortable and clean life.  

I remember the first time I walked into the space of a woman who had called me to help her because she was at risk of being evicted from her apartment.  It had been declared a fire hazard.  The sight I saw took my breath away.  Things were piled up in every room with only small paths to walk through.  Paper had been thrown beside her bed and was at least six inches deep.  People ask me if I ever get overwhelmed when I work with clients.  Heck yeah!  This was one of those occasions.  All I knew to do was pray for guidance about where to start.  There were so many things to be done.  I just needed help to figure out what was the best use of our time, energy and her money.  Thanks goodness my angels came through for me and I was able to begin by breaking down packing boxes that took up a lot of space.  Then I was off and running for years and years. . .I still work with this client!

Why did my client have so much stuff in her space?  Why does anyone do that to themselves?  There are many possible reasons, but just recently I heard a possible reason that made me stop in my tracks.   Ekhardt Tolle, in his new book, A New Earth, states that “when you feel dead to life within you, you look outside yourself to try to feel alive.”  I wonder if people who for whatever reason are disconnected from themselves, not only seek things to fill the void, but then they begin to view those things as part of themselves.  If you view something as part of yourself, not just an inanimate object, of course it would be difficult to let it go.  And, if you go a step further and suppose that people who have traumatic experiences with people may have learned that things are safer than people, those things then take on the significance of being people substitutes.  How could you think of throwing away something that you perceive has saved your life?

For those of us who can pitch with ease, it’s important to understand that there is complexity to the attachment to things.  And, it takes much more than rational urging to let go.  

Feng Shui teaches that everything is connected. That is so apparent during this time of economic uncertainty. Everywhere I go I hear people lamenting the state of our economy and talking about how they are being affected by the wild swings in the stock market. Businesses are slowing down. Some businesses are failing. Fear seems to be spreading like wildfire!

I believe what we focus on we attract to us. It is tempting to jump on the bandwagon and get swept away by the tide of negative news. I know if I watch the news, read the paper and participate in conversations about all the negative things happening in the financial world, I too will succumb to fear. Fear is perhaps the most common form of negative energy. Fear makes me contract and attract more negatvie energy into my life.

Instead of participating in the fear feeding frenzy going on around me, I work hard every day to look for and celebrate the good in all aspects of my life. I find it in special relationships with people, in respectful behavior between people, in the weather, in business opportunities, in nature, in the antics of my beloved dogs, Jake and Oz. The list goes on and on. If I look for positive things, I’ll find them. If I focus on negative things, I’ll find them too. Not only will I find them, I will attract more of them!

Today as educational coordinator of my BNI group (Business Network International), I shared my belief in the power of staying positive. As I spoke I could feel an emotional sigh go through the room. Several people told me they appreciated the reminder and the permission to swim against the tide of negativity. One member told the group that he and his wife had agreed to have a “negative fast” for one day this past weekend. They agreed to refrain from negative conversation of any type on Sunday. He was amazed to observe that the rest of the family joined in as well. See, positive energy does attract more of the same!

You have a choice! What do you want more of in your life? Positive or negative? If you choose positive, seek it and live it every day, you will be a light in this time of darkness and uncertainty. Feng Shui teaches that everything is connected. Your one light will spread positive energy to everything around you. Your light really matters because it will attract more of the same. Help us light up our world!