Today I worked with a busy mother of five children. Not having any children myself, I am still amazed at the quantity of stuff that moms deal with in order to sustain a semblance of order in their homes! One of my client’s daughters had cleaned out her room and then presented her mother with bags of items she didn’t want that could be donated to a charity. It was the mother’s habit to go through the bags and retrieve items that she deemed important in one way or another.

As I watched my client, I reflected on memories of other mothers who had had similar deposits of stuff dumped into their hallways, family rooms and bedrooms after a clearing. I found myself wondering, wouldn’t it be a good idea if the child was instructed to tend to her castoffs until they were completely out of the house? After all, mom won’t be there to finish the clearing process when she grows up and needs to do the whole job herself. And, you only benefit from clutter clearing when unwanted items are completely gone from the space.

But, that would mean the mother would either have to let go of her need for one final look at the items or insist that the child wait while she looks through the bags. Then the child could deposit them in the car to be taken to a charity.

It’s a tough choice! Let go and risk parting with something valuable that might still be useful to another family member or review the choices she made and deprive her of the important lesson of closure. Sometimes I’m glad I’m not a mom!

If you have grown children, it’s very likely that when they left home they left an assortment of their belongings in your home. If they didn’t, your children are an exception to the norm. Sometimes parents are keeping things for their children until they have a permanent home of their own. Sometimes they are left with things that the children just didn’t take with them when they moved, things that may or may not be important to them.

It’s pretty common for parents to get to the point where they really want to be relieved of those items. As I wrote in the September 18 blog, it is also very common for children to drag their heels about removing their belongings following a request from their parents. I suspect that they are often caught up in their own busy lives and the items left behind just aren’t important enough to cause them to take action. Or, they may be avoiding the task because it requires decision-making, a process that can be difficult for some people.

I sometimes wonder if children consider their parents’ request as unimportant, certainly not a high priority. After all, they’ve kept those things all those years, what’s the rush? A failure to act may also be indicative of a reluctance to completely leave home. As long as their belongings are there, they can sustain the unconscious illusion that they are still under the umbrella of their parents’ care. Or, it may be that some of their things hold memories that are not pleasant. Going through them could stir up some old pain that they have kept at bay over the years. Most people aren’t conscious that they are perhaps reluctant to take a potentially emotional trip back into their past.

Whatever the reason, you have a right to be rid of your children’s belongings once they are grown and have homes of their own. In my next blog entry, I will offer suggestions to empower you to motivate your children to clear their clutter from your home.

© 2012 Clutter Clearing Community | Debbie Bowie

“Author, Organizing Expert and Feng Shui Practitioner, Debbie Bowie, is a leading authority on clutter clearing to attract more of what you want in life. If you’re ready to clear clutter and move your life forward, get your FREE TIP SHEET, “Feng Shui Tips for Instant Success” at http://www.clutterclearingcommunity.com.

I know, you think I’ve lost my mind. Why would your children want to do that? After all, they are often so wrapped up in their own lives, why would they want to help you? I’ve heard so many stories about children, both those still living at home and those who have moved out, who are described as a challenge for parents in their clutter clearing efforts. They either create more clutter than they every clear out, have left behind many personal items in a state of utter chaos, or have left personal items until they are settled into a home that can accommodate them and then drag their heels about claiming them upon their parent’s request.

This week I heard a story that blew my socks off. One of my clients who has struggled with clutter forever sent her children an email to inform them that she’d decided to take steps to address her clutter challenges by hiring me to help her. In the letter she shared her excitement about the process and asked for their help. She asked them to come by and make decisions about items that might be important to them.

Within days two of her sons came by and got to work. Following a family vacation her daughter returned home and worked with her mother to make decisions about family games, family toys and things that belonged to her. The daughter’s presence really helped my client focus on clearing out some of her own papers. And, one son called on the spur of the moment one day and said, “Mom, would it be OK for me to come by today to go through some of my things? I don’t want to hold you back.”

I’ve been doing this work for over eleven years, and I can honestly say I have NEVER heard a child, much less a male child, offer to clear out their belongings because they wanted to help their parent. Never! I was blown away! And, I was impressed at the love that those children expressed for their mother when she asked for their help with a task that can be difficult and unpleasant. They all showed up without coercion. In fact, they rallied around her. What a refreshing change!

So, if you want to express your love for your mother, lighten her load by clearing your clutter, especially when she asks for help. By the way, doing that is VERY different from forcing your mother to get help when she’s not ready for it. That’s the subject for another blog article!