You may have noticed that I haven’t been posting with my usual regularity. Once again I have been hijacked by family challenges. I recently had to move my mother from out of town to an assisted living facility closer to me, which in itself was a major feat given my mother’s resistance, her dementia and some interference from another well-meaning family member. Then, there has been a time of adjustment for Mom which has required a lot of support from me and much time spent to make sure she has the best life possible in her new home.

At times like this, when emotions are running high and energy is running low, I have had to pare back what I do to the bare minimum so I can survive the current storm. And, family comes first.

Unfortunately at stressful times like this I find it very difficult to write. Writing takes a kind of reflection and focus that are just not possible when I’m doing all I can to stay afloat with my personal life and my business. So, please accept my apologies for being absent for extended periods of time during the last few months. I am sure that once I reach a new equilibrium I will be back with many new insights to share. I look forward to writing some articles about what I’ve learned from my recent experience helping my mother transition to assisted living.

Our homes are an outward expression of our inner selves. And, sometimes they tell the story of imminent change. Let me show you what I mean.

“It just doesn’t feel like my house anymore!” lamented Sally, a client who was in the midst of preparing her house for sale. Sally’s decision to pursue a life dream to buy a farm and raise alpacas necessitated her selling her split-level house, a place that she had made her sanctuary over a period of ten years. At this time when houses are slow to sell, it is especially important that they look almost perfect. Her realtor had advised her to paint the entire house in shades of buttery yellow. Gone was the brilliant blue office and the peaceful blue dining room. “I feel like I’m living in a margarine stick!” she railed.

Sally was also agitated because creating a peaceful, neutral space that a prospective buyer could view without distraction and easily picture himself inhabiting, had required that she move many of her belongings to a storage unit. Preparing her house for sale had also given her the opportunity to sort through her belongings and clear out anything that she no longer needed or loved. She was left in a shell of her former home, a place that she no longer recognized, nor did she feel comfortable inhabiting.

Sally was between selves. She had moved beyond the self who had painted those blue walls and had tolerated a packed attic, to a self who was prepared to make a huge leap of faith, buying a farm and finding a new job in a new location. When she began clearing out her house, sending things to storage, the trash, and a local charity, she was physically ripping up energetic roots that had helped her feel comfortable and grounded. She was adrift in unfamiliar territory. Painting the walls in colors not of her choosing effectively wiped away evidence of her individuality. Everything became neutral. Of course Sally had reason to rail against the injustices of the real estate sales process! She was feeling like a stranger in her own home. She was grieving the loss of her things and already grieving the loss of the home that had been such a comfort to her.

Is this a normal reaction? Absolutely! Preparing a house for sale is a stressful and exhausting process. If, like Sally, your home has been your haven, transforming it into a strange place devoid of evidence of your energy can only be disturbing. At a time of high stress you crave stability and familiar, safe places to retreat. Everywhere Sally looked was upheaval, strangeness and work to be done.

Was making all those changes imperative? Given the current real estate market, and given that Sally’s house has no special features like a water view or new garage, making those changes were the best steps to take to increase the probability of a fast sale.

Is there a way that Sally could have avoided the grief and stripping of her energy from her house? Unfortunately, change often comes with a cost. In Sally’s case, she paid the price by having to strip her home of specific evidence of her existence, leaving her feeling sad and mad and frustrated. To her credit she put words to her anguish, which helped her deal with her mixed feelings. What a healthy response!

Wouldn’t you be troubled if your influence was erased from your home and you found yourself living in a place of your own making that was not an outward reflection of your inner self? And, all those changes also came at great financial cost. They speak volumes about the price Sally was willing to pay to go for her dream!

© 2012 Clutter Clearing Community | Debbie Bowie

“Author, Organizing Expert and Feng Shui Practitioner Debbie Bowie, is a leading authority on clutter clearing to attract more of what you want in your life. If you’re ready to finally clear the clutter from your life and move your life forward, get your FREE TIP SHEET, “Feng Shui Tips for Instant Success” at http://www.clutterclearingcommunity.com.

Not everyone is going to be thrilled for you when you begin making changes in your space and in your life. Family members in particular may say they want you to make positive changes, but when you actually do begin making changes, especially if those changes impact them in some way, watch out! Their unconscious impulse may be to want to maintain the status quo. Your changes may be viewed as threatening to their comfortable discomfort. And, if you begin asking for their help and their support, you may not get the reception you want. Instead you are likely to get resistance and judgement. Expect it! Then it won’t blow you sideways and distract you from your own path.

A lack of support on the home front doesn’t mean you shouldn’t proceed with your changes. It means that you need to look elsewhere for like-minded others who “get” what you are trying to accomplish. I call it “family of choice.” Look for others who are on a similar journey, who want the kinds of things you want. Just put that request out to the Universe, God, whatever Higher Power you believe in. Expect an answer. Watch for it. Soon you’ll find yourself running into like-minded others in the grocery store, at a meeting, on a committee, at a social event.

Over the last few years I have been committed to expanding my business and taking it to another level of influence and financial success. I was first drawn to an incredible sales training and marketing program that immediately opened doors to other small business owners on a similar journey. In addition, I connected with Laura Posey and Will Turner of Dancing Elephants, two incredible sales and marketing experts who are on their own journey to get the life they really want.

Then I joined the Virginia Chapter of the National Speakers Association and found many other kindred spirits. And, most recently I was invited by some of those NSA folks to be part of a law of attraction group for couples. Many of those new friends have become Facebook friends. What a thrill it is to share my successes with people who support me and cheer me on in my efforts to make a difference in our world! When I recently did my first TV interview (http://www.wtvr.com/videobeta/9b50a166-911b-4e79-993e-155a8921a56f/Community/Rock-Scissors-Paper-Institute) and posted it on Facebook I got so many shouts of, “You go, girl!” “Great job!”

So, if you want change but keep encountering resistance and criticism from the people in your inner circle, consider branching out to find kindred spirits to walk with on this journey. Look for people with a positive focus, those who encourage and celebrate strides you make in your personal growth. You deserve to have your own cheerleaders! Change is hard! You need the best support you can find!

It’s quite common that as we change internally, we make changes to our person, our habits or our living spaces. Some people get a new hair style. Others grow a beard. Still others rearrange their furniture. Because everything is connected in our Universe, is it any wonder that we have a need to change things in our outer world when we are experiencing inner changes?

I recommend that you consider taking this idea one step further. Deliberately make changes to your home, office, habits or appearance to signal the Universe that you are open to positive change. Change the outside to affect inner changes.

When I’m feeling unsettled, stuck or wanting change in my life, I sometimes take a new route home or park in my husband’s parking space. Those small changes help me get out of my perceptual rut and see things differently. Recently when I was really wanting to jumpstart internal change I got rid of three pieces of living and dining room furniture, two of which had been in my family for over thirty-five years!

For those of you who are freaking out because I pitched precious belongings, relax! It was time to let that furniture go. I needed more space in my house to allow for personal expansion. Now someone else can benefit from those special items. I’m really done with them and ready to move into a new era of my life. Letting them go was a sign to the Universe and myself of my openness and commitment to change.

When you find yourself feeling unsettled, wanting something that you can’t quite envision, do a few things differently. Move some furniture, go with the urge to cut your hair, take a new route home. Let the Universe know that you’re open to change. Then pay attention to the opportunities that come your way. Remember, everything is connected. Positive changes to your behavior, appearance or space will cause internal shifts that ultimately could lead you to getting more of what you really want.