Asking for help is hard to do. So, when you do it, be sure you are asking help of a person who is actually capable of giving you what you need.

In 1994 my husband and I were in a motorcycle accident that left him in the hospital with a traumatic brain injury and me at home living with the emotional aftereffects of the accident. I needed lots of help.

Early on I made the mistake of trying to share my distraught feelings with two men who were very willing to help me move a canoe. Both of them stiffened slightly and looked like they’d like to beam themselves to anywhere but where they were. Seeing their reaction I moved on to safer topics, acknowledging that I had inadvertently gone to the hardware store for milk. There was no way I’d get what I needed there! Men are often uncomfortable with emotional conversations. They were clearly out of their element.

After that important lesson, I separated the friends who were offering help into categories. Some were very willing to give us food, but would not have been comfortable being a shoulder to cry on. Others could run errands and mow the lawn, but would not have been comfortable providing meals. And, a precious few were capable of listening to me when I needed to talk about how scared I was feeling about Bob’s condition and how our lives could change as a result of the accident.

When I ask for help and don’t get what I need, one of the first questions I ask myself is, “Did I go to the hardware store for milk?” Over time I’ve become more and more experienced at determining who can meet my needs at any given time.

Have you been to the hardware store for milk and been baffled when all you could find is nails? Some people are just not capable of giving us what we need even though they care about us. Avoid hurt feelings and disappointment by learning who really is capable of helping you and in what way they can help.

What is feng shui? Feng shui is the Chinese art of arranging your space to enhance your life. What you have in your space and how it’s arranged affects what happens in your life. If your home has good feng shui, it’s likely things are going well in your life. If there are feng shui challenges, you are likely struggling in areas of your life.

I’ll explain it another way. Go into your living room and take a look around. Notice your feelings as you look at the room as a whole. Do you feel at peace, comforted and comfortable? Or, do you cringe inside and feel bothered by clutter, dust, dirt, and furniture you don’t even like? Or, is it a mixed bag of feelings, some positive, some negative.

If you felt predominantly positive feelings, it’s likely the room is filled with positive energy. If you cringed, it’s likely that negative energies dominate. If your feelings are a mixed bag, the balance of positive and negative energies is probably balanced. So what! Who cares about the balance of positive and negative energies! What does that have to do with feng shui?

Spaces have good feng shui when positive energies predominate. When negative energies are most abundant, the feng shui is not good. With that knowledge you are armed to improve the feng shui in your home or office. Simply start by eliminating things that have make you feel bad, anything you don’t love or use. And, keep those things you love and use. Organize them. Arrange them to create your own personal paradise.

The goal in feng shui is to create a personal paradise, a space with predominantly positive energies and a minimum of negative energies. To improve your life, improve the feng shui in your home/office.

The front door of your house is the mouth of the chi (energy) entering your home. The first place the chi encounters is the foyer or entryway of your home. To attract and hold the best energy in your home and therefore in your life, take special care to enhance the inside entrance of your home, even if you tend to enter your house by another door.

Put your best art there. Place mirrors in that location, though never directly in front of the door. Mirrors are not only energy enhancers, they provide any guests with a friendly greeting, their own image! Water features like aquariums and fountains are also great energy enhancers for this area if kept clean and well maintained, as are plants, lamps, and other treasured decorative items.

Take special care with your inside entrance. It really matters as much as the parts of the house where you spend most of your time!

“Thoughts become things.” Those are the words of Mike Dooley, inspirational speaker and author, well known for his Notes from the Universe at www.tut.com. In the past few years it seems that many influential leaders like Jack Canfield, Ekhardt Tolle and Wayne Dyer are advising us to become more aware of our thoughts because thoughts directly affect beliefs and attitudes. And, beliefs and attitudes affect what we attract into our lives. Keep your thoughts positive and you’re more likely to get more of what you really want from life. Focus on the negative and you’ll have more negative experiences.

I believe our thoughts really do direct our lives. What I have observed with my clients, particularly those who have chronic issues with organizing their homes and offices, is that their thoughts are influenced by the condition of their spaces. They may intend to keep their thoughts as positive as possible, to look for the good in their experiences. But, their messy environments filled with negative energies make it impossible to keep their thoughts positive. Negative attracts negative!

Feng shui teaches that everything is connected. Clearly thoughts and environment are connected. If a space is organized, clean, comfortable and lovely, it’s much easier to sustain positive thoughts. If a space is disorganized, dirty, cluttered and grim, thoughts will tend to slip from positive to negative. If you’re not judging yourself harshly, you’re more likely to be reactive and judge others harshly.

Want things to be better in your life? There is much we cannot control in our world today, but we do have control of our thoughts and the condition of our living and work environments. Work to lift the energy of both your thoughts and your space from negative to positive and you’ll be amazed at the joyful life you’ll be able to create.

If you are a busy mom, be sure to create a file or designate a basket as the container to hold papers about things you want to do just for you.

The role of mother is so consuming that many mothers have to put their own life and personal interests aside, at least until the children are in school, and often until they are out of the house. I’ve met dozens of incredible moms in my work as a professional organizer, many of whom have sacrificed careers, hobbies and activities that feed their spirits for the sake of their family. It seems there is just not enough time in a day to do all that is required to maintain a happy home and well-adjusted children and take time to follow their own passions.

There is a cost to pay for disregarding yourself, however noble the reason. Depression, weight gain, health issues and marital difficulties can all result when a woman spends a majority of her time caring for everyone but herself.

Starting a dream basket of events you want to attend, places you want to go (with other women or by yourself), classes you want to take or services that will nurture and spiritually feed you is a simple way to acknowledge your very normal needs for self-care. It will hold the energy of honoring yourself. And, it can be the bud of a decision to make yourself one of the priorities in your life.

I want to share a recent success story about how changing your space can change your life. I was hired by a woman to help her husband create order in his home office. When I arrived at the home I was greeted by a woman who was clearly VERY frustrated in her marriage. I had the impression that she’d given thought to ending the marriage if things didn’t change. I thought to myself, “Whew! What a responsibility! Can I save this marriage?” Then I reeled myself back to reality, said a prayer for guidance and went to work with the husband.

Fortunately Jim was very amenable to receiving help from me. Many men would not be so welcoming. And, as we worked our way through his large office, clearing clutter, throwing things away, reorganizing things, he was very willing to take my many suggestions. I was rather shocked because I’d been led to believe he’d be resistant to getting rid of things. He was even open to hearing my suggestions that combined feng shui (considered woo woo by many men) and organizing principles. For example, when I told him that an unfinished project was sitting in the love and marriage corner of the room, that it had a broken energy and probably was having a negative effect on his marriage, he volunteered to get rid of it. And, he did!

Jim’s response was amazing, but even more amazing is the effect that making all those changes had on his marriage. Both he and his wife told me that they immediately began connecting at a deeper level. Jim, who had been procrastinating about house projects, one of his wife’s major complaints, completed many long-standing projects. Instead of wanting to leave the relationship, my client is more invested than ever in her marriage.

What is happening in a space affects what happens in the lives of the people living there! Make it better and you make lives better!

When you do clutter clearing in your home or office, be sure to take items identified for donation to your favorite charity immediately! The benefit of releasing things only occurs when those items leave your space. Each item is alive with energy. When it is removed from the space the energy it was holding is then available to you. Not only will your space feel better, but you will feel more energetic and optimistic.

As I walked my dogs early this morning I could feel the stress that the current heat wave is having on the landscape. Brown lawns, a dying tree here and there, browning shrubbery were all screaming for water. As I often do when I feel uncomfortable in an environment, I began thinking about it in terms of the five elements of feng shui. Environments feel comfortable when all five elements are present: wood, fire, metal, water and earth.

In this case the water element was clearly missing. Normally water controls fire, helps to balance out the heat of fire. Because we have had so little rain, water, and have had so much heat, fire, our landscape is out of balance with fire dominating.

When I got home I watered all the plants that are clearly struggling. At least in my little corner of the Virginia I brought a touch more balance to my yard. My hope is that Mother Nature will supply the water we so desperately need before too long.

When deciding whether to keep or toss an item, ask yourself these three questions:

Why am I keeping it?
Where am I keeping it?
Is it Worth keeping?

Clutter accumulates when you stop after asking, “Do I want to keep this?” Sure, you may want to keep many things, but unless you ask the why, where and worth questions, you’ll keep many more things than you need or have room to keep.

Some people are just programmed to keep things. They may have been affected by Depression era thinking growing up. They may be artistic and see everything as a possible art supply. Or, the act of letting go of anything may terrify them. Keeping things is easier. There’s no risk of making a mistake and regretting it later.

A good answer to the why question is: I love it or I use it.

Ask yourself where you’ll keep something. That question forces you to face the fact that your space is limited. Asking that question will keep you from taking on more things than can comfortably fit in your space.

And, ask yourself if an item is worth keeping. You’ll assess its value relative to other items in your space. It’s ideal if you only welcome items that have the best energy. You’re looking for diamonds, not the rocks or stones.

Accept only diamonds into your space and you will shine in all your are and do!

On this 4th of July, I can’t help but think about clients who live in this country where we are blessed with so many freedoms, but who are trapped, unable to move in a nightmare of their own creation. Their clutter and disorder keeps them paralyzed, unable to make decisions or take action to improve their situation. How can they free themselves and reclaim their birthright?

In many cases the first step is to admit that what they have created is unacceptable to them. Then they need to commit to doing things that make them feel uncomfortable: asking for help; accepting help; letting go of belongings they no longer love or use despite the fear they may feel; learning new ways to think about their things, themselves and their space; and learning new behaviors so they can maintain a space where they have the freedom to move and grow.

Freedom is a privilege. Even though you live in a country where personal freedom is valued, sometimes it is you who must free yourself. Let go. Get help if you need it. Free yourself from environments that keep you stuck and feeling bad about yourself. That is your birthright! Go for it!