There are so many options available for getting to a relaxed state these days. You can do yoga, massage, Feldenkrais, breathwork, stretching, hot tubs, Healing Touch, Reiki, exercise, and meditation to name a few. I have experienced most of those options and they are all wonderful. But, when you’ve finished experiencing one of those techniques, is your house in better shape? No!

When you clear clutter you can create a relaxed state in several ways:

• With each item you get rid of you are are releasing a source of negative energy. As you eliminate negative energy the overall balance of energy becomes more positive. As the energies become more positive, you begin to relax.
• Every item has an energy that talks to you. The more objects in your space, the more conversations you have going on at the same time. A room full of clutter just screams at you. Items with negative energy, like broken things and piles of unprocessed paper, scream the loudest. As you clear clutter you quiet the conversations. The quieter the space, the more relaxed you’ll be.
• When you eliminate things you no longer use or love, it’s much easier to organize what’s left. An organized space is a much more peaceful place than a cluttered space. When a space is peaceful, you can relax.
• Clutter clearing is a form of exercise. Exercise relaxes you!
• When you clear clutter you can think more clearly. When your brain is clear you can relax because you are less likely to make an error in judgment.

So, make clutter clearing a part of your self-care plan to ease stress and be more relaxed! You’ll feel better about the energy of your home as well as your own energy!

Years ago I learned to “accept the things I cannot change” when I was participating in meetings for adult children of alcoholics. I got the chance to “accept what is” today when I shut down my computer following several hours of recording my book, Rock Scissors Paper: Understanding How Environment Affects Your Performance on a Daily Basis, and lost the whole recording. That mistake cost me not only the room rental fee and the time spent making the recording, but I had recorded almost half the book. What amazed me was that I didn’t freak out or castigate myself for the error. I was cool, calm and collected. Why?

When something unfortunate happens, like losing my recording, I automatically begin looking for something positive about the incident. And, I hadn’t been completely happy with my tone of voice, especially in the beginning of the recording. I knew I’d have lots of edits to make. Also, I meant to record sections of the book separately and had forgotten to do that. Finally, I was worried that noises in the hall could be heard in the recording.

When the whole thing was wiped out I actually felt relieved because I had no other choice but to start over. Starting over would give me the chance to schedule the recording at a time when there would be less traffic in the building and would make it possible for me to record it section by section as I’d initially intended. I also would not have to make multiple edits that would have been warranted because of my inexperience. I began thinking of today’s session as a practice session for the real recording.

When I accept what is with the knowledge that all things work together for good and look for the positive in every circumstance, I am much less stressed. I also treat myself with more compassion and respect. What do you need to accept that has been causing you emotional distress and angst? Accept what is and get on with life!

This week I had the pleasure of working with Nancy (names changed to protect confidentiality), a very special, very motivated client who not only paid for me to help her at my out of town rate, but also brought in a friend, Betty, who does some organizing on the side. I was once again reminded of the power of women working together with a common goal.

In this case the organizer, Betty, and I were completely committed to helping Nancy clear her space of clutter and organize what remained. Nancy has been going through some very difficult life challenges in the past three years–a divorce and caregiving aging parents. I suspect our empathy for her current exhausting life circumstances as well as our desire to help set her up to be able to reclaim her own life once her parents have passed on, fueled our efforts. Betty and I had just met that day, but we worked together like partners united with a common cause. It was an incredible feeling to be in the middle of that tornado of positive energy.

By the end of the day we had covered a lot of ground very quickly. We reorganized her dining room/home office which included setting up a filing system, moving a shelf that was blocking a hallway, and reorganizing parts of the garage. I was astounded and impressed with what we accomplished and how well we worked together! And, best of all, during the five hours we labored Nancy transformed from being tense, anxious and uptight to being playful with a relaxed, relieved smile on her face. Women helping women! It is powerful and magical!

I’ve had the pleasure of having an outstanding little dog be a guest in our home these past two weeks. Squeaker Bug is a little gray miniature poodle who belongs to a friend who is spending eight months in Australia. His mom and I decided that he’d be happiest if he was able to spend time with a family instead of with his dad who works long hours and is not a dog lover.

Squeaker is the kind of dog who loves people better than dogs. And, I am his special person at our house. Lucky me! He follows me everywhere, even into the bathroom. His preference is to sit on my lap when I’m at the computer. And, he sleeps on my pillow above my head at night. He really doesn’t want to go outside unless I go with him. Now, I realize his neediness could be perceived by some as a burden. I’m not always thrilled about having to go outside with him, especially in heavy rain. But, he is so sweet and adoring that I am willing to do what he needs to feel comfortable. His devotion more than makes up for any inconvenience he may cause. My heart just melts when I hold him close. He loves it and so do I. His warmth and caring soothe me.

What soothes you? What helps you relax and release the worries of the day? Playing with your children, a good talk with a friend or spouse, reading a novel, knitting, playing ball with your dog, biking on your favorite trail, doing watercolor painting? Anything activity that feels good and causes no harm to you or anyone else is probably a source of positive energy and therefore good feng shui!

In feng shui the goal is to create environments that are utterly comfortable, spaces with a predominance of positive energy and few sources of negative energy. There are times when environments present insurmountable energy challenges and a choice must be made between two options, neither of which is optimal. It’s then a matter of determining which solution has the least negative effects.

This past weekend I ran into that type of situation in a training room in a hotel. “You won’t believe what this room looked like when I got here,” said Mark LeBlanc of Small Business Success, the presenter. “There was a sofa bed and large black chairs in here. It looked like a storage room.” In Mark’s new arrangement the chairs were arranged in a U with Mark’s flip chart positioned at the open end of the U. He was immediately visible upon entering the room.

“It looks nice,” I said, “unfortunately you’re not in the power position.” When he looked at me quizzically I explained, “To be fully empowered, you need to have a solid wall behind you and a full view of the door. In your current position you are facing into the room, not toward the door. And, the energy coming through the door just slams right into you. You would be more empowered if we flipped the U and had you present from the other end of the room.”

Mark responded, “That’s how I initially had it set up, but then I noticed that the large light fixture is at this end of the room. The only light sources at the other end are those two side table lamps. Do you think that would be enough light?” I agreed with Mark that the light was rather dim. So, now we were at a choice point. Was it more important that Mark be well lit? After all, light would stimulate his thinking, inspiration and energy. Or, was it more important that he be speaking from the power position?

“Well, you could speak from this end today and then tomorrow we can rearrange the room for you to speak at the other end. That way you can compare and decide which works best for you,” I suggested.

Mark agreed to that plan. The next morning we rearranged the room and Mark spoke from that end of the room for the next day and a half. As I was driving Mark to the airport I asked him whether moving him to the power position in the more dimly lit end of the room had been a good decision. He said, “I definitely felt better at that end of the room, away from all the distractions near the door. And, though the light was dim, it was preferable to the light at the other end. That light was just too bright (it was a high power fluorescent fixture). At the end of the first day (3 hours of presenting), I was exhausted!”

We talked about the fact that in some circumstances you just cannot get a perfect feng shui solution and must make choices. In this case Mark and I decided that putting him in the power position was the priority with lighting being a secondary concern. Though the lighting in the power position was not optimal, as it turned out, it was preferable to being in the path of energy coming from the door, noise and distractions at the door end of the room and being drained of energy from the bright light of a fluorescent fixture. I also noted that Mark is a strong, compelling speaker with a powerful message. His own inner light was bright enough to offset the light deficit.

When you find yourself at a feng shui choice point when no solution is ideal, remember to look for the arrangement that has the least negative impact on the people that will be affected by it. Whenever possible, place yourself in the most empowered position possible and minimize other sources of negative energy.

Like attracts like. If you want more peace in your life, create peace in the physical arrangement of your belongings in your home. If you want more clarity, create a clutter free home environment. If you want a Pug, get a statue or a photograph of a Pug and display it in your home.

Want a new job? Write the job description and post it in your home office where you see it often. Be sure to list the salary and other specifics you are looking for in just the right job.

Want a new relationship? Cut out magazine photos of people to whom you find yourself attracted. Put the best one in a frame and place it where you see it every day. Or, write a list of the characteristics you want in a life partner. Read it often.

When you create what you really want in physical form in your home, you are setting your intention to attract it into your life.

Not everyone is going to be thrilled for you when you begin making changes in your space and in your life. Family members in particular may say they want you to make positive changes, but when you actually do begin making changes, especially if those changes impact them in some way, watch out! Their unconscious impulse may be to want to maintain the status quo. Your changes may be viewed as threatening to their comfortable discomfort. And, if you begin asking for their help and their support, you may not get the reception you want. Instead you are likely to get resistance and judgement. Expect it! Then it won’t blow you sideways and distract you from your own path.

A lack of support on the home front doesn’t mean you shouldn’t proceed with your changes. It means that you need to look elsewhere for like-minded others who “get” what you are trying to accomplish. I call it “family of choice.” Look for others who are on a similar journey, who want the kinds of things you want. Just put that request out to the Universe, God, whatever Higher Power you believe in. Expect an answer. Watch for it. Soon you’ll find yourself running into like-minded others in the grocery store, at a meeting, on a committee, at a social event.

Over the last few years I have been committed to expanding my business and taking it to another level of influence and financial success. I was first drawn to an incredible sales training and marketing program that immediately opened doors to other small business owners on a similar journey. In addition, I connected with Laura Posey and Will Turner of Dancing Elephants, two incredible sales and marketing experts who are on their own journey to get the life they really want.

Then I joined the Virginia Chapter of the National Speakers Association and found many other kindred spirits. And, most recently I was invited by some of those NSA folks to be part of a law of attraction group for couples. Many of those new friends have become Facebook friends. What a thrill it is to share my successes with people who support me and cheer me on in my efforts to make a difference in our world! When I recently did my first TV interview (http://www.wtvr.com/videobeta/9b50a166-911b-4e79-993e-155a8921a56f/Community/Rock-Scissors-Paper-Institute) and posted it on Facebook I got so many shouts of, “You go, girl!” “Great job!”

So, if you want change but keep encountering resistance and criticism from the people in your inner circle, consider branching out to find kindred spirits to walk with on this journey. Look for people with a positive focus, those who encourage and celebrate strides you make in your personal growth. You deserve to have your own cheerleaders! Change is hard! You need the best support you can find!

Frame Your Best Memorabilia

Are you sentimental? Is your home filled with lots of items that remind you of past events and people who are important to you? I call that stuff memorabilia. And, the sentimental folks have the greatest quantity of it.

Did you know that the more stuff you have from your past, the more you’ll stay anchored in the energy of the past? Perhaps that wouldn’t be so bad if your past was perfect and you had everything you wanted or needed. But, most people have checkered pasts filled with both positive and negative circumstances and memories.

Feng shui teaches that everything is alive with energy. And, any energy will attract more of the same. If in your past you experienced difficulties, losses, and failures, it’s likely that some of the memorabilia you have will hold some of those energies. If you keep those items, you’ve more likely to attract more difficulties, losses and failures. Do you really want to attract more struggle and pain?

Most people I work with don’t know that memorabilia can anchor old energies. Once you become conscious that items hold the energies of the time they are associated with, you can begin to deliberately choose those things that hold the best energies of the past, energies that can enhance your future.

For example, perhaps school was always a challenge for you. Those difficulties are reflected in your report cards. Not only do they display poor grades, but they also hold negative teacher comments in place. Keeping those report cards and rereading them could anchor the energy of struggle with learning or struggle with teachers.

If, on the other hand, you were great at art, drama or music, why not pitch the report cards and anchor the energy of your school years with pieces of your art, photos of you on stage or CDs or videos of your choral group. That way the energy from the past that you’re holding onto is positive, celebrating your successes. Success energies are likely to attract more success.

I’m convinced that part of the reason people leave much of their memorabilia tucked in boxes in the attic is that they are intuitively avoiding facing the negative energies that all unsorted memorabilia holds. Unconsciously they know that if they pop those boxes open they’ll not only run into good memories, but they’ll also confront painful memories. Rather than take a trip back down the rocky road of memory lane, they leave the mixed bag of those accumulated energies untouched, often for decades. If those items are so precious, why are they tucked away in spaces where they are likely to be freezing in the winter and burning up in the summer?

No one has a perfect childhood. Just looking back at old items will bring back both good and bad memories. There is no way to avoid that happening, but you can clear out those items that have obvious negative associations, those that anchor pain. That way your memorabilia will hold the best energies from the past. When it does, you will want to make that memorabilia more accessible and it will attract more good into your life.

If you think you will find time to get and stay organized, you are sadly mistaken. To have an organized home/office and be an organized person usually requires time to create an initial order, and a daily commitment of time to maintain the order.

If you need to create an initial order in any space, the only way that will happen is by deciding that the task is a priority and scheduling time to do it. Believe me, you’re not likely to wake up on a Saturday morning and feel inspired to clean out your guest (junk) room. There will be a million and one things that seem more important.

Some people can create an initial order, but have difficulty maintaining the order. They managed to make the time to get organized, but neglected to make time daily to do those maintenance tasks like putting things away, throwing things away, creating homes for incoming items, and managing paper flow.

Start small to ensure success. When scheduling time to create an initial order, commit to 15 minutes every weekend to clearing clutter and creating order. If you end up working longer than 15 minutes, fine. But, making a regular commitment of time every weekend and honoring that commitment will sow the seeds of a positive new habit that supports your commitment to live an organized life.

To maintain your hard won order, begin by adding a five minute cleanup to your bedtime routine. In addition to brushing your teeth and letting the dog out one last time, take five minutes to hang up clothes, move papers to the home office, and throw away trash from evening snacking. Just five minutes every day can make the difference between a nightmare and a comfortable home.

MAKE time for getting and staying organized! Then watch your stress go down and your quality of life improve!

Asking for help is hard to do. So, when you do it, be sure you are asking help of a person who is actually capable of giving you what you need.

In 1994 my husband and I were in a motorcycle accident that left him in the hospital with a traumatic brain injury and me at home living with the emotional aftereffects of the accident. I needed lots of help.

Early on I made the mistake of trying to share my distraught feelings with two men who were very willing to help me move a canoe. Both of them stiffened slightly and looked like they’d like to beam themselves to anywhere but where they were. Seeing their reaction I moved on to safer topics, acknowledging that I had inadvertently gone to the hardware store for milk. There was no way I’d get what I needed there! Men are often uncomfortable with emotional conversations. They were clearly out of their element.

After that important lesson, I separated the friends who were offering help into categories. Some were very willing to give us food, but would not have been comfortable being a shoulder to cry on. Others could run errands and mow the lawn, but would not have been comfortable providing meals. And, a precious few were capable of listening to me when I needed to talk about how scared I was feeling about Bob’s condition and how our lives could change as a result of the accident.

When I ask for help and don’t get what I need, one of the first questions I ask myself is, “Did I go to the hardware store for milk?” Over time I’ve become more and more experienced at determining who can meet my needs at any given time.

Have you been to the hardware store for milk and been baffled when all you could find is nails? Some people are just not capable of giving us what we need even though they care about us. Avoid hurt feelings and disappointment by learning who really is capable of helping you and in what way they can help.